If you are like most people, you have asked more than once: is the ego good or bad?
Also, like most people, you have probably wondered why should we judge the ego as bad, why can’t we just embrace it and work with it.
And that exactly is the power that the ego has over you and everyone else.
The attachment to it and the unwillingness to first objectively examine it and finally to let it go.
But let’s start with trying to define what the ego is.
What is its purpose?
What does it want from us?
And finally, let’s answer the question, is the ego good or bad.
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What Is The Ego?
According to ACIM the ego is the sign of limited and separate self, born in a body, doomed to suffer and to end its life in death. It is the “will” that sees the Will of God as enemy, and takes a form in which it is denied.
In a nutshell, the ego is who you think you are.
The ego consists of all your past, your beliefs, your values, your perceptions, your experiences, your cultural associations, morals, customs, ethics, everything that you think makes the you, you think you are.
The ego is your concept of yourself.
Whoever you think you are in your head, that is the ego.
Hard to hear this?
Yes, it is.
You know, at least conceptually, that there is so much more to you than just your body and anything associated with it.
Your ego is the illusion of yourself that limits you to just your body and everything associated with it.
Related: Why Do We Want To Feel Special?
What Is The Ego’s Purpose?
“The ego, however, is not who you really are. The ego is your self-image, it is your social mask, it is the role you are playing. Your social mask thrives on approval. It wants control, and it is sustained by power because it lives in fear.” – Ram Dass
The ego’s main purpose is its survival.
The ego knows that if you venture beyond its limitations you will see the vast truth and you will let go of it.
The ego does not want that as this will surely mean the death of the ego.
The ego wants you stuck where you are, living the small, limited life that it prepared for you, endlessly chasing happiness and fulfillment that it can never give you.
The ego’s purpose is to keep you believing that you are separated and alone and the ego is your only hope for salvation.
We are all a part of the big universal whole, but the ego wants you to continue thinking that you are a separate soul, born in a body, struggling through life to end in death.
If you are honest with yourself, isn’t that what you think you are?
And if you continue being honest with yourself, ask yourself the question: does that make sense?
Can life ever end? Can life die?
Well, the ego surely believes that it can and it wants you to believe that too.
And by trusting the ego and its ways, that is exactly what we experience our lives to be.
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What Does The Ego Want Form You?
“Ego is just like dust in the eyes. Without clearing the dust, we can’t see anything clearly, so clear the ego and see the world.” – Anonymous
The ego wants your full allegiance, full commitment and full loyalty.
The ego does not want you to look beyond it.
How is the ego achieving that?
By extreme resistance.
You don’t believe that?
Well, if you are still reading this article, congratulations you are venturing beyond your ego limitations.
You are starting to question and possibly contemplate the truth.
But there is a part of you that is very resistant to the ideas being discussed here.
The ego is very clever in its ways, it appears that it makes sense.
You have spent so much time and effort building the construct of the self, and any mentioning of needing to let that go is very uncomfortable and often painful.
To know reality is not to see through the ego and its thought system.
But your ego does not want that from you and it will use all its tricks to prevent that from happening.
Related: What Is Self Discovery? – Why Is Self Discovery Important?
Is The Ego Good Or Bad?
“The moment you become aware of the ego in you, it is strictly no longer the ego but just an old, conditioned mind patter. Ego implies unawareness. Awareness and ego cannot coexist.”- Eckhart Tolle
The ego is not good nor bad.
The ego just is, you built it, you have so much investment in it.
You feel attached to it and you do not want to let it go.
You are afraid that by letting it go, you will cease to be, you will disappear.
But if you decide to embrace the ego and what it wants, understand what you will be giving up.
You will be sentencing yourself to a small and meaningless life as opposed to total freedom and happiness.
You will spend your life chasing one thing after another hoping that it will give you a sense of completeness, satisfaction and happiness. But you will never find what you are seeking.
All of that is already in you, but the ego does not want you to know it because you will realize that you don’t need it and that will be the end of it.
You have to decide for yourself what kind of life do you want to have.
Do you want to feel sorrow and suffering or do you want to live in eternal joy?
Do you want to know fear, guilt, hatred and attack or do you want to be surround in everlasting peace and tranquility?
Do you want to live in bondage and limitations, or do you want total freedom?
The main thing that you need to realize is that the ego is not you.
It’s like a costume that you put on.
If you manage to break the chains from your ego, you will have much grater control of your life.
You will re-discover the true you and the real world.
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How To Break Free Of The Ego?
“When the ego dies, the soul awakes.” – Mahatma Gandhi
The first step to breaking free from the ego is the most obvious but also the hardest.
Step#1 – realize that you are not the ego
The hardest part that will encounter the most resistance is realizing that you are not the ego. Your ego will scream really loud that this is not true but you just have to stay strong and look at the actual facts. Take responsibility for the concept of the self that you have created, have the courage to closely examine your thoughts, emotions, reactions and be persistent in your efforts to break free from the false self and eventually find your true self.
Step#2 – observe your mind
Take the time to observe your mind. This will not be easy at first. The ego will resist this by making you feel uncomfortable every time you attempt this. But if you stay persistent and learn how to observe your mind without participating in every thought that crosses it, you will soon be able to see that the ego is quite insane.
Step#3 – learn to recognize the voice of the ego
Once you are able to observe your mind, you can start learning to recognize the voice of the ego. You will start identifying the voice of the ego in some unguarded thoughts, uncontrolled reactions to events and situations, and in some uncomfortable feelings. Very soon you will be able to tell which voice to follow and which to ignore.
Step#4 – practice forgiveness and letting go
This step is also going to encounter some major resistance. The ego will find a million reasons for why you should not forgive and hold on to grudges. Understand that this is its defense mechanism. As long as you listen to it and practice unforgiveness and not letting go you will suffer and be in pain. Forgive and let go to experience joy and happiness in your life.
Step#5 – feel the connection to the universe
We are connected. Everything is connected, but the ego does not want you to know that. The moment you will realize that, the ego will die. Feeling small, isolated, alone, disconnected is what the ego wants from you. Don’t listen to it. Start with spending time in the nature. Observe and contemplate. Everything is one, we are all one, acknowledge the truth and see how your life turns around. You don’t even need much effort, just a little willingness and vigilance against what the ego wants and the universe will show you the rest.
Related: Are We All One? – And Why Is That Terrifying?
“Ego is an immature stage of development for humans, and that’s what it will be recognized as when the consciousness changes on the planet. Children will develop an ego and quickly outgrow it. That’s very different from developing an ego and being stuck with it for the rest of your life.” – Eckhart Tolle
I really hope you have enjoyed this article. I commend you for your bravery to explore the truths contained here. It is not easy to acknowledge that who we identify with as ourselves does not exist. Not only that, it is the reason for our lives being small and meaningless. We all want bigger, happier lives with no pain and suffering but not many are willing to sacrifice who they think they are to achieve that.
Please leave your questions, comments, suggestions below. I would love to hear from you.
***If you have spotted a spelling error or an inconsistency, please contact me so I can fix it.***
Hello there! This is an interesting read. I guess it has been a while since I took a psychology course on the topic of ego. I feel like I actually forgot a lot of it. But reading through your post, my knowledge of it is starting to come back. I was even able to learn some new things that my short time in class could not cover. Definitely did not go over how to break free of the ego, so I definitely enjoyed reading about your 5 steps. Thanks for sharing this!
Hi Mike, thank you for your comment. Yes, it’s very easy to forget about the ego, unfortunately the ego does not forget about us. I’m glad you have enjoyed the article and found it useful. If we want to break free of the ego, it will require strength and consistent effort.
Hello Anna,
Lately I really have been feeling like… Isolated, alone… Mainly disconnected. Both with myself and with others but at the core, it has to be that I feel disconnected within…
So I thought it was pretty cool to stumble upon what you wrote up here. When you mention practicing to recognize the voice of the ego and to practice forgiveness and letting go… Is it a “conversation” with the ego? I guess I’m just trying to understand how to practice forgiveness and to recognize when the ego is active. I can understand realizing that I am not the or “my” ego… and I can understand how absolutely everything is connected and that the universe is here all around…
But how exactly or what exactly am I aiming for while practicing forgiveness and to recognize it? Observe the mind and don’t take action on the ego’s thoughts… Though that is a tough ask, I think I understand?
A few years ago I was totally able to flow together nicely and not have the ego basically help to control how I feel and making me feel lost… I’m absolutely involved with a self discovery journey but some of this is just hard to completely understand… But maybe I’m looking for answers too soon on my journey? I’m not sure…
Also, in your opinion, what does it mean like when someone says “They have a HUGE ego” in regards to them feeling better than others, etc etc etc, is that related to the ego how you’re describing it here?
I want to understand the ego more… I want to understand it better. Thank you for writing this up and helping me to think deeper about it. I truly feel that my “problems” I’ve had lately really boils down to the ego and letting it have control… Gotta find more ways to remind it that I’m absolutely in control and am enveloped fully into this connected universe. 🙂
After I eat some food here soon, I’ll go out in nature like you mentioned. Again, thanks for this article and I’m glad I came across it! 🙏
Hello Colton
I know that feeling very well. The feeling of disconnection and being alone no matter how many people are around me.
But I think life is trying to teach us something. And I think that something is that true connecting does not happen at the body level but at the mind level. I guess what that really means is that we have to try to ignore this feeling as much as we ca, as this is just on the surface, and go deep inside of us to find the feeling of fullness and completeness. But believe me, I know how hard that is. This feeling is not comfortable and not easy to ignore.
You asked how to recognize the voice of the ego. I have come to understand that that voice that you hear in your head is the ego. To go beyond the ego is to ignore that voice and go deep with to find your true voice. I guess what I’m trying to say, is that you cannot answer the questions that you are asking with your mind. For me the only way to listen to my true voice is to enter a state of meditation. If this does not make sense to you, you are not alone. I have only been able to achieve glimpses of the meditative state where the ego voice stops. I still have a long way to go but I believe that life will guide me so that I can find those answers when I’m ready.
I wish that for you as well. If you could develop a complete trust in life and believe that whatever is happening or whatever feelings you are feeling they are guiding you somewhere and instead of resisting them, trust them and follow them.
When it comes to forgiveness, again the ego wants you to hold grudges and not let go of the hurt that you think other people have caused you. But there truth is, if you hold grudges you will only be strengthening your ego. By blaming others for your pain or suffering your ego is recognizing the ego in others and it only gets stronger. Again, practice forgiveness as much as you can. You will feel so much lighter and better.
I am glad you have enjoyed this article. I hope I was able to answer your questions but if not, trust that life will give you the answers that you are seeking when the right time comes.
I hope you have gone for your walk and you have felt the connection with nature.
Keep asking those questions and let the answers come to you.
All the best.
Anna
Also, I guess I wanted to ask one more thing in regards to the ego, would you say that it can be recognized as the voice in my head? The constant, super random chatter that goes in my head? Basically talking to myself in my head about… Just randomness lol.
I’ve kind of researched a bit and for some folks, they don’t have any mind chatter at all. They simply experience things differently, not having any sort of conversation in the mind at all.
What do you think of this?
Again, thank you 🙏
Hi Colton, I tried to answer that question in my answer to your first comment, but it looks like you beat me to it. I think you totally got it. The way I understand it, yes, exactly, the ego is the voice in our heads. Sometimes it’s not easy to recognize that because that voice seems loving and compassionate but I think those are just false pretenses to throw us off and stop looking at it.
The funny thing is that we have no way of telling what is in other peoples heads. Our language is so limited when it comes to explain and understanding the deep spiritual truths. I obviously try my best to convey the message in my blog posts but I realize the limitations.
For me, the only way to get rid of that constant chatter is to meditate. It starts with just observing this voice and not participating in it. But if practice long enough, there are moment when that voice disappears.
But other than that, that voice is always in my head. Constantly talking, arguing, trying to get my attention trying to get me engaged.
I have heard the below analogy and I really like it. Your thoughts are like the clouds in the sky. Just let them pass without examining them, or engaging.
Again, I hope this helps. I really enjoy your questions.
Keep going, you are doing great.
You are asking the right questions and searching for answers.
Thank you for this well written article. Yes eago can be something that can cause a lot of damage in one’s life if not controlled well.
This is because of the fact that it can have you doing what you are not supposed to do.
Hi Thabo, thank you for your comment. Yes, I agree with that. If left unchecked, the ego will take control of your entire life.