Why do I feel so lonely?
I could be surrendered by people and I still feel very detached from them and lonely.
Why is it like that?
And what can we do about that?
How not to feel lonely?
I feel lonely because I have forgotten who I really am.
I am a part of the universe but I don’t remember that.
My senses have crafted separate objects from the Whole and now I believe that everything is segmented.
I see my neighbor, and I think that he is a separate entity from me.
But those are just appearances, not reality.
No wonder I feel lonely.
I have taken a part of a universal Whole and divided it into pieces.
And now I try to connect with the pieces but they don’t fit together because they are not real.
Let’s take the ocean as an example.
You can take a single drop out of the ocean and now the drop forgets that it’s actually the entire ocean.
Now the little tiny drop, feels lonely and scared, missing the feeling of being the entire ocean.
The drop is not realizing what it actually is.
To stop feeling so lonely we must reverse the crazy belief in separation:
The separation of thought and the separation of bodies that seem to be living separate lives and go their separate ways.
We need to find a way to see through all the perceptions and appearances and realize the truth.
We are all one, and until we realize that, we will feel loneliness.
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The Way Is Not Hard But It’s Different
“The only time we waste is the time we spend thinking we are alone.” – Mitch Albom
The way out of loneliness is not hard, but it is very different.
First, we have to realize that our way is a way of pain.
Our way is very hard, very lonely, and in the end, impossible.
Fear and grief are our constant companions.
They go with us no matter where we go.
But the dark journey is not the way out of loneliness.
We can walk in the light instead but first, we have to let go of the idea that we know the way and allow ourselves to be guided.
For as long as we perceive the body as our reality, we will continue perceiving ourselves as lonely and deprived.
We are not our bodies, we are the spirit that temporarily has a body.
Think of the loveliness the change of perception will allow you to see.
Think how beautiful everything and everyone will look to you.
How happy and joyous will that make us, after such a long, dark and lonely journey where we have walked alone.
How beautiful the sight behind the veil will be.
Related: Is My Life A Dream?
But Why Did We Choose The Hard Way In The First Place?
“I live in that solitude which is painful in youth, but delicious in the years of maturity.” – Albert Einstein
Somehow we got the strange idea that we know what is best for us and everyone else.
Somehow we deluded ourselves that the fake image of ourselves that we have spent our entire life constructing is real and worth preserving.
We started believing that if we let go of that picture of ourselves, we will stop existing.
Little do we realize that this is what keeps us in hell, in a world that we have built where pain, loneliness, death, and misery exist.
But how simple is the way out?
All we have to do is to let go of the small image of ourselves and allow the realization of who we really are.
The way is really simple but very difficult for us, for we fear that if we let go of what we think we are, we will be “swallowed” by the big Whole and stop existing as individuals.
The truth is very far from that but our fears don’t allow us to see that.
So what can we do to not feel so lonely?
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How Not To Feel Lonely?
“We must become so alone, so utterly alone, that we withdraw into our innermost self. It is a way of bitter suffering. But then our solitude is overcome, we are no longer alone, for we find that our innermost self is the spirit, that it is God, the indivisible.” – Hermann Hesse
To stop feeling lonely we need to change our minds about who we truly are.
We feel lonely because we miss the Whole that we are a part of but do not realize it.
For as long as we believe that everyone is a separate entity, living their own separate lives, we will feel lonely.
We need to change our minds about that.
We need to be able to look beyond our bodies that seem to separate us and tap into the deep connection that all of us share whether we realize that or not.
Imagine, how could we ever feel lonely if we realized that we are the whole universe and beyond.
Would a single ocean drop feel lonely if she realized that she is the entire ocean?
How different and wonderful would our life be if we realized that we are in the world but not of the world.
Related: How To Choose Joy?
How Do We Go About Realizing That?
“Many people suffer from the fear of finding oneself alone, and so they don’t find themselves at all.” – Rollo May
What is needed here is a steady and consistent mind training.
We are very undisciplined and we allow our minds to roam free without paying any attention to it.
Keeping in mind that there are no ideal thoughts; ALL thoughts produce some sort of form, you would think that we would spend more time observing and then training our minds.
Our thoughts literally create our lives. Wouldn’t it make sense to invest some time and effort in training our wild minds?
A good place is to start just observing your mind to see what kind of activities are happening there.
Related: How To Escape Problems?
There Is A Way To Not Feel So Lonely.
“If you learn to really sit with loneliness and embrace it for the gift that it is… an opportunity to get to know you, to learn how strong you really are, to depend on no one but you for your happiness… you will realize that a little loneliness goes a long way in creating a richer, deeper, more vibrant and colorful you.” – Mandy Hal
Meeting more people and building more “meaningful” connections will not help with that, for as long as we believe we are separate beings we will miss the natural feeling of oneness and feel lonely.
We almost need to do the opposite, find the truth about who we really and the feeling of connection and belonging will naturally come with it.
We need to stop looking at ourselves and others as just bodies.
Bodies are the barriers that keep us believing that we are separate entities.
We need to look beyond the bodies to the true essence of each of us.
We need to see the spirit in us that is One.
We do not each have an individual Spirit in each of us, there is one Spirit in everyone and everything.
Once we can grasp that and live our lives with that realization, we will never feel lonely again.
For how could we if we realized we are the entire universe and beyond.
We are the Whole.
“To live a spiritual life we must first find the courage to enter into the desert of our loneliness and to change it by gentle and persistent efforts into a garden of solitude.” – Henri J.M. Nouwen